I’m grateful for pushing myself to be of service even though I was feeling a bit off. I’m grateful for recording one of my higher elevation gains during my daily run. I’m grateful for being able to make and keep commitments in sobriety. I’m grateful for knowing what is and is not in my control, and choosing healthy decisions based off of that understanding. I’m grateful for my fellow volunteers sharing delicious snacks while phonebanking – it provided a much-needed mental boost. I’m grateful for the amazing resources easily available these days that help me fill out my ballot in an informed way, especially when it comes to the myriad of props / amendments we have here in Colorado. I’m grateful for the chilly weather letting me layer up to my heart’s delight. I’m grateful for AA providing me the life tools to actively embrace pathways for peace instead of drama and instability.
Before anything I’d like to share with everyone that our latest Breakfast with an Alcoholic episode is now live. TBD, Daniel, and I discuss Bill’s Story in the Big Book, how our relationship with it has changed over time, and end with a lightening round that I objectively crush. Give it a listen if you have a minute!
Earlier this week a fellow shared a beautiful story about a sponsor who passed and how they left her with a message that she returns to often: “Bloom where you are planted“. I’ve never heard the saying before, but I found it immediately moving and relevant.
I tackled the message in two parts. The second part I internalized first “where you are planted”. In doing the Steps and reading the Big Book a key takeaway for me was learning how to accept my reality. Earlier in sobriety I had to constantly remember to not future trip, to not make a mountain out of a molehill, but simply to embrace today’s truth without adding drama or unnecessary embellishments. I held closely to the concept of looking for silver linings and focusing on them as much as possible while getting through the ups and downs of daily living. During my drinking it was super easy to let my mind wander into crazy, negative territory. In a weird way I sort of reveled in it. Bleak memories from years past were just as fresh as the latest embarrassments and they lived rent-free in my head every minute of my existence, completely blocking out other thoughts. When I finally put down the drink and started doing the work in AA, I was able to open my eyes and discern what’s real and what’s fake. Once I got a lay of the land it became a lot easier to sift through new noise coming my way. Separation from the vodka bottle and internalization of AA wisdom let me inhabit my present truth with greater ease. Such new-found clarity primed me for the next part of the saying.
“Bloom” – I love the usage of this word. Synonyms could be “grow”, “mature”, “learn”, “thrive” – great descriptors for what it means to invest in personal serenity and joy. Once I finally figured out what my reality is I could more confidently take the next right action. It could be something small like ensuring I find time every evening regardless of how fatigued I am to write my Daily Gratitude List or something big like moving to Denver. Regardless of what comes from my decision-making, I’d use the consequences from it to grow, to mature, to learn, to thrive on the regular. Basically I find ways these days to bloom whatever my current situation may be. Blooming is also heavily reliant on me sticking to healthy routines, which are sort of the spine of my sobriety. When I do these routines I can stand up straight, observe what options are available, and choose the best way forward.
To summarize “acceptance” and “growth” are the twin takeaways for me here. As a quick aside, I find it poetic how I learnt this from someone else’s sponsor who has passed. To think about how the memory of stranger who I’ll never meet continues to have impact on those still alive is poignant. It’s always nice to take a moment to be reminded of how interconnected we are even if we never meet in the real world. As I move along in my AA journey, I’m excited for the wisdom that is yet to be gained from those who have already trudged the emotionally sober path. If I continue to accept my reality and remain open to learning there is so much healing ahead.
