By Teri KO4WFP In my last article, I activated Hanging Rock Battleground State Historic Site and then Glenn and I spent the evening at an Airbnb in Camden, South Carolina. Monday, October 14th was the last day of our trip. There was no way this POTA Babe was missing out on an activation on the … Continue reading The POTA Babe Donates Blood at Congaree Bluffs Park →

Many thanks to Dave (K1SWL) who shares the following field report: A Bare-bones POTA Outing by Dave Benson (K1SWL) It started with a one-of-a-kind homebrew project and mushroomed from there.  I was returning to my roots with a Direct-conversion rig and it hooked me in our recent ARRL Field Day event in June. It acquitted … Continue reading Dave’s Minimalist Adventure: Homebrew POTA Activation in Dodge Brook State Forest →

I’m grateful for chances for renewal. I’m grateful for seeing the things that are. I’m grateful for living my own life. I’m grateful for the way the game slows down when I let go. I’m grateful for sunny mornings and the chance to be myself. I’m grateful to be sober today.

Mystery ?? Button

song of the week:

Do you want the long or the short version? hahaha As though you have a choice.1 Let’s say that I became intimately familiar with the contours of this song after a break-up back in the 2015 time period. I wrote about this recently:

I would walk around the neighborhood we shared, late at night (usually after a fair amount of drinking), and this was on the playlist that accompanied me. It should have been called something like “Adventures in Melancholia.” She lived about four blocks from me, so every day presented an opportunity for the random, atomic collisions the universe employs to produce beauty and uncover truth. Well, I’m pretty sure that’s not how she looked at it. I often had this song on repeat and it so captured my mood.

I want to tell you, baby
The changes I’ve been going through

And then the best line in the song (and you should listen to this one, I’m asking you personally):

Missing you, Listen you

That is very Burt Bacharach-esque and I think I assumed that he maybe wrote this song (It was Stevie Wonder!). When I listened to this song in 2015 I was focused on the persuading part of this song—I was going to persuade someone so hard that it was just a matter of time Until You Came Back to Me.

I so wanted to explain that I was not the lying alcoholic that she had had just uncovered. I was actually thoughtful and earnest and turning over a new life and coming to understand what was really important and understanding how I got to the spot where I would do things like that and of course that could never happen again because of how much I’ve changed. Sound familiar? She didn’t buy it either, wasn’t even interested in talking about it.

Fine, I’m just going to walk around the neighborhood at night and be sad and bide my time until you’re ready to see me again.

I’m going to walk by myself
Just to prove that my love is true
All for you baby

I did that part of the plan for a while and then I moved on—as usual, it involved a lot of drinking and probably a new girlfriend. On Tuesday night, when I could no longer watch the news, I decided to start the search for the song of the week. Somehow, this is the song that popped into my head, in the same monstrous manner as the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man spontaneously appeared in Dan Ackroyd’s in Ghostbusters. I listened to a lot of versions and I am going to tell you, I was very into this and definitely singing along.2

A lot of versions got disqualified because they botched the “Missing you, Listen You” line. In the end you get the incomparable Aretha Franklin, accompanied by Stevie Wonder. About a year or so after that break-up, I was at some black-tie thing where they were going to unveil Aretha Franklin’s portrait at the National Portrait Galley. She actually walked out, sat down at the piano, put her oversize purse on the bench next to her and knocked out her greatest hits, finishing with this song. Poetic justice somehow, I thought, gazing at the new girlfriend.

I landed on this song Tuesday night and it doesn’t have the same feel or meaning as it used to. I’m not trying to win anybody back, not trying to prove anything to anyone. My day-to-day philosophy is to show up and see what happens; Accept what I must, change what I can. You know the deal.

The sotw resonated the way it did because it really captures my mood and outlook—this song strikes me now as a “bide my time” kind of song and I think that’s kind of where I am. In a funny way, my life empties and fills on a very unpredictable schedule and is driven by events in ways I don’t really understand. I lead a pretty solitary life these days and it feels comfortable and right for it to be that way. But it definitely feels like things are changing, evolving right under my feet.

I will turn 62 on Thanksgiving Day and I celebrated five-years of sobriety on October 22nd. I’ve been given the chance to build a new law practice, my children are off pursuing exciting and purpose-driven lives and while my alcoholic brain tends to see the glass as always half-empty (seriously), the bottom line is that the universe not only gave me a new lease on life, it gave me the green light to decorate the new digs however I want.

This week gave me the occasion to look out and decide how I want to lead my life in the face of a quickly-changing and very challenging world.3 I spent a fair amount of time thinking about where I want to invest my energy going forward and I think I decided to do buy back some shares. I was talking to a good friend on Wednesday and said:

This is going to be my caterpillar year.

You know the deal with caterpillars. They are ungainly and definitely not appealing to everyone.4 They find a sturdy, secure place and they anchor themselves to it. They spin out a gauzy cocoon, build a safe place for the evolution that is about to take place. And then they wait.

There’s probably some other weird stuff taking place in the cocoon and somehow I think sprouting wings probably hurts a lot. But this is my caterpillar year. That doesn’t mean I’m going to hide, it means I’m going to focus on evolving and changing. I’m going to be intentional about how I spend my time and where I invest my energy.

I think there is a dangerous philosophy that has emerged in the world, it’s not limited to any political persuasion, but it’s the idea that if everyone pursues what makes them the most money, then everything else will turn out great for everyone. I think this confuses the building blocks for highly-efficient markets with the foundations of civilization. I think these people are not very familiar with game theory or the prisoner’s dilemma, or what economists call “externalities.” Or really understand or value art and beauty in the world.

It’s actually people contributing goodness to the world, without expectations of outsize returns, that have created most of the beauty in this world and the things that have lasting value. Or at least the things I value. To me, celebrating things you can buy with money usually heralds creative emptiness rather than sophistication. For sure, this is part of my professional-life mantra for the new era we’re entering:

By the way, did you know that we’re on TikTok?

But personally, I’m building. This is my caterpillar year. I’m going to focus on deepening and widening my spiritual life, I’m going to let go of what doesn’t serve me or isn’t meant for me. I’m going to be open to what the universe sends me. I will try and remember that a lot of what the universe sends my way is not lasting, but meant to teach me something, take me from point A to Point B. I need to accept that things are meant to be transitory for me now.

I don’t have expectations about where I will end up or even what I’m building. I’m going to pay attention to the simple prescription in the Serenity Prayer, accepting what I must, changing what I can and investing myself in people and situations in accordance with my own values and principles. To thine ownself be true, like it says on the coins. Over the years, I’ve identified the things that actually make me happy, that get me vibrating in a way that is expansive and opens doors. For whatever reason, I never stick with those things. But I’m doubling down for my caterpillar year.5

I spent a lot of time watching the news and I’m taking a break from that, and a bunch of other things for now. As I sipped coffee in Wednesday’s pre-dawn darkness, I realized the universe had just freed up a lot of time for me, cleaned the slate, in a way. Emptiness is a necessary precondition for fullness; As I turn away from what is not meant for me, the things that are have room to land. Those are things like writing and art and music—that’s what has always fed me. And that’s where I’m going to turn now.

I’ve had “Until You Come Back to Me” on repeat this morning. It is a perfect song for my caterpillar year. It’s optimistic and hopeful and has a strongly-voiced work ethic. I’m going to make myself the best person I can be and see what happens. Until You Come Back to Me. I don’t have expectations for the final product—moth or butterfly are both possibilities. I believe that joy and serenity come from letting go of notions of the final product and the destination, and embracing the beauty of what is.

I don’t know who or what I’m waiting for. Mystery and uncertainty are essential elements of the caterpillar year. There is little to be done except devoting myself to the work and seeing what emerges, what happens. There is quite a bit of uncertainty in my life right now, but strangely, there is something I know, and I know it deep down. I think it’s the secret the caterpillar knows, as they weave their cocoon and ready themselves to leave behind what they were, preparing to become what they are meant to be. As a consequence, I have to take issue with the second line of “Until You Come Back to Me,”

I know I’m not sitting and waiting in vain.

That’s the secret of the caterpillar year.

Happy Friday.

Many thanks to Micah (N4MJL) who shares the following guest post: Elecraft KH1 Anytime and Anywhere Adventures by Micah (N4MJL) Anywhere and anytime—that’s how I like to describe my Elecraft KH1. This radio goes everywhere I go. As an airline pilot, I bounce from coast to coast and everywhere in between almost daily. Since I’m constantly on … Continue reading Flying High and Keying Low: A Pilot’s QRP Adventures Across the USA →

Many thanks to Shel (KF0UR) who writes: Remember the swivel paddle platform for the KX2 & KX3 my partner Steve KB3SII gave you at Hamvention last May? Well, it’s finally in production and shipping immediately. https://www.qrpworks.com/key-line-magpi-store.html It comes configured for the KX2, but includes the parts for the KX3 (a screw and a spacer) which … Continue reading The QRPworks “Key Line MagPi” for KX2 and KX3 now available for purchase →

I’m grateful for taking time to be outside – whether it’s running or walking – as it goes a long way towards increasing my serenity. I’m grateful for a partner with whom I can talk to about anything. I’m grateful that feeling sad no longer translates to automatically picking up, but rather honestly reflecting, doing the next right thing, and repeating helpful mantras like “one day at a time”. I’m grateful for the delicious ramen place where we had takeout. I’m grateful for the first snow of the season draping our neighborhood so beautifully. I’m grateful to be present for all the ups and downs in my life. I’m grateful to be sober.

I’m writing this post at the ungodly hour of 5am my time here in Denver. We actually got our first snow of the season. As I look out the window onto the street it’s quite peaceful. The previously bare branches appear so fluffy and soft, the parked cars look like they’re hibernating, and I’m inside our toasty little home sitting in my favorite red armchair.

There is a lot happening in the world and in my own life, but here in what I call “My Little Nook” life feels serene. I can genuinely say I am content with where I am right now. I have my health, I have built a loving little family, I have a roof over my head, I have a car that gets me easily from Point A to Point B, I have sufficient financial resources that keep me going, and I have coffee by my side in my favorite cup.

A few years back any feelings of anxiety, fear, or sadness would immediately push me to a drink. In fact even before those feelings could overwhelm me, I would preempt them by chugging directly from the Tito’s bottle. To every problem the instinct was never to think, or analyze, or reflect, it was simply to drink, drink, drink. When I did that I could at least black out for several hours to whisk me away from consciousness.

I am really proud of myself that the above is miraculously not my go-to move. I can’t quite pinpoint the moment where it shifted from needing vodka on my nightstand to taking more productive steps. It has undoubtedly been a process. I think I can summarize it in part by what someone shared at a meeting recently: Action absorbs anxiety. Not simply any action of course, but the right action.

In my early AA days it was doing a frenetic number of things just to stay away from the liquor store. The bombardment of advice from fellows was actually very much welcome. I was in some ways relearning how to walk because my constructive impulses were totally shot. It was chaotic as I was concurrently cleansing my body and mind. Personally, I needed the onslaught of external advice to shock my system into course correcting for the better.

Over time I’ve been able to filter that advice and begin codifying the set of recurring actions that promote inner peace. None of them are terribly radical in nature (physical activity, reframing exercises, meetings, gratitude lists, quiet reflection, etc.), however the key for me is to practice them often. If I start faltering on any that is when my serenity subsides. And if an action isn’t having the same impact it used to, I adopt another one to ensure I keep the rotation fresh and impactful. As I write this post it puts me at ease to acknowledge that I not only have zero desire to drink, but I also know I’ll soon be needing to incorporate new actions into my routine to sustain my serenity. That journey of incorporation gives me excitement, it gives me hope. I’ll be sifting through the Rolodex of my mind to understand how I can expand upon my regular actions, which will undoubtedly deepen my emotional sobriety. The fact that I can meet this challenge head on is truly invigorating.

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In late August 2024, I came across what I considered a great deal on a fantastic radio, which I’m excited to share with you in the following field report. Please note that this POTA (Parks On The Air) activation took place on September 5, 2024 (almost exactly two months ago)—three weeks before Hurricane Helene devastated … Continue reading Uncompromised Performance: Taking my new-to-me Ten-Tec Argonaut VI to the field! →

I am so grateful to be sober. I’m grateful I got to see my sponsor run in the marathon yesterday, I’m grateful for a slow weekend and a long weekend coming up. I’m grateful to be seeing my family on Saturday, for Timmy’s anniversary this month, for the puppy laying on my lap as I type and for coffee. I’m grateful for my friends, for the Fall, for books and for AA.

Gooooood morning my friends (: As always, I hope everyone had a lovely weekend full of rest, relaxation and whatever makes you happy during the weekend.

I’m not 100% sure how to write this post today without my own anxiety seeping through but I would be remiss if I didn’t say anything at all.

This is a pretty charged week. Today feels like, at least to me, calm before a storm. Tomorrow I’d like to burry my head in the sand and God only knows what the following few days and honestly weeks will look like.

I personally am really scared. And I’m not here to cause a rift in our community. I am here to tell you and remind myself that we do not have to drink.

Many will say that politics are an outside issue, and I hear that. I understand that. But the anxiety and fear and hopelessness one might feel as a result of politics is not an outside issue. That can make you drink.

Please don’t let it. Please pick up the phone and call someone. You don’t have to talk about politics you can talk about how you’re feeling. Please go to a meeting. Please lean on the people you love. Please don’t face it alone.

Please don’t drink or use. I don’t know if I can say that everything will be okay. I believe that our higher powers take care of us all. I believe that if we have each other, we will be okay in one way or another.

Let’s all just try our best to remain calm. If you are someone who is unbothered, please help someone who is. If you are someone who doesn’t care that’s okay, just please be there for the people who do.

No matter what side you’re on please remember that we are all just people, trying to do life sober and please don’t let that get lost. We need each other today and every day.

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Lots of love,

Jane

I’m grateful for a day of adventure and even mischief. I’m grateful for a really busy week. I’m grateful knowing that my best is enough. I’m grateful for a beautiful Fall day. I’m grateful for ease and peace. I’m grateful to be sober today.

LAST WEEK ON TFLMS:

TFLMS Weekend: Where Sobriety Isn’t Just a Consequence…

(last weekend)

By Teri KO4WFP In my last article,  I activated Uwharrie National Forest in North Carolina at the Buck Mountain Fire Tower. After that activation, Glenn W4YES and I drove to Charlotte to visit college friends – Jennifer and Mike. So far, the day had been wonderful. However, it was far from over. Our final night … Continue reading The POTA Babe Hangs Around in South Carolina →