Many thanks to Scott (VA3EKR) who shares the following guest post which was originally posted on his blog: Mar. 29, 2025, Troubleshooting Audio Capture with Voice Recorder by Scott (VA3EKR) When I activate a park for POTA, I always use HAMRS, running on a tablet as I get better battery life than a laptop, and I … Continue reading VA3EKR’s Experiments in Capturing Clean Audio in the Field →

My buddy Ara (N6ARA) shares another incredible innovation: Click here to view (and subscribe to SOTA+!) on YouTube.

I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for time with and showing up for friends on Saturday, for warm weather (slowly) coming back and for working from home. I’m grateful for AA and my sponsor moving to the Upper East Side!! I’m grateful for rest, for smoothies, for books, for fresh flowers. For connection and laughter. For having fun and for things finally feeling okay.

Morning my friends (:�

As always, I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! That said, does anyone know if a lobotomy is an option in 2025?�

I’m totally kidding, that actually is  the most horrific thing, however, if there’s another way to turn off my brain that doesn’t involve drugs, alcohol or severing my prefrontal cortex I might be down.�

This dramatic intro is all meant to say that over the past few weeks this like crippling insecurity has come back. I don’t know if when things were bad or when I had to kick it into high gear the insecurity left because I had no other choice but to do – not to overthink – and maybe it’s because things have settled down that it’s coming back but every single thing I do I find myself in this round and around circle of – was that the right thing? Did I say the right thing? Did I do the right thing? Did I think the right thing???�

And that’s why it’s crippling. Because even if for a second I feel pretty good there’s that little teeny voice that has re-arrived that says mmmmmmm is it actually good though?�

So maybe what I actually want to do today is break this all down for a second.�

• I am sober. For three years I have stayed sober and sobriety three years ago was unimaginable. Today I have this big beautiful life because three years ago I thank God, stopped drinking.�

• I have a family who is always there for me and will always be there for me no matter what.�

• I have a partner who is always there for me and will also always be there for me no matter what.�

• I have friends who show up for me, who I get to show up for, who don’t ask me to be anyone but myself, who love me for who I am regardless of how in my head I get,�

• I have a job that I really really really love. I love what I do and I love doing it and I don’t think I have ever felt this happy in a job ever.�

• I have a puppy who I swear to God is going to institutionalize me but who we almost lost and who I am so grateful for. �

• I am an alcoholic whose brain works differently than normal people, who gets really overwhelmed by my own thoughts and who is sometimes incredibly insecure. And that’s okay.�

So yeah I’m spinning myself but I don’t actually need (or want)  a lobotomy. I just need some space between that teeny voice and the person I actually am. The person who loves and wants to help and cares and works hard and doesn’t do literally anything perfectly but tries to show up as the best person she can. And that’s just going to have to be enough.�

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xx�

Jane�

Some of you might recall that I tested both an early prototype and a production model of the Xiegu X6200—both arranged to be sent to me on loan by Radioddity. One of the biggest issues I had with the X6200 was that the keyer timing was off. These keying issues were most noticeable when operating … Continue reading Xiegu X6200: CW Keyer Timing Issues Addressed →

I’m grateful for a babysitting gig in Boston. I’m grateful for the way the world spins and getting to rock a baby to sleep. I’m grateful for sweetness, kindness, love and the way back. I’m grateful to be sober today.

LAST WEEK ON TFLMS:

song of the week:

TFLMS Weekend: Where Sobriety Isn’t Just a Consequence…

(last weekend)

By Teri KO4WFP Spring has arrived in Savannah bringing great POTA weather. There are still parks within a two-hour drive of my home QTH that I have yet to activate.  To check one more off the list, Daisy and I headed to Di-Lane Wildlife Management Area (WMA) this past Wednesday, March 26th. Di-Lane WMA (US-3744) … Continue reading More Dogs for the POTA Babe →

Friday, February 28, 2025, felt like another “rinse and repeat” day—a pattern I’ve grown used to over the past few weeks. That morning, I woke up early, published a post on QRPer.com, and by 7:30 AM I was outside with my chainsaw, preparing piles of tree debris for the skid steer operator we hired to … Continue reading Pairing the Elecraft K1 and AX1 for low-profile, low-impact portable POTA! →

I’m grateful for a super early morning. I’m grateful for Symphony # 31 in the dark. I’m grateful for a train trip later today and a hangout with my grandson. I’m grateful when people let me in. I’m grateful to get to be myself. I’m grateful to be sober today.

song of the week:

I’m going to tell you about a perfect moment that I got to experience earlier this week. To set the stage (and expectations), this was not the kind of “perfect” moment that involves the acquisition of a large sum of money, or th everlasting love of someone, or a lot of things. I guess what I’m trying to say is that while it’s going to seem like my perfect moment is kind of pedestrian, it’s a perfect moment in the sense that a couple of really funny things happened all at the same time.

So, as often happens on weekday mornings, I found myself on the subway. Many people don’t like the subway, they focus on things like the sometimes really terrible smells,1 the constant mortal danger, rats, the general level of cleanliness, things like that. I like and sometimes love the subway. I fell in love with mass transit around the same time I had my paper route. I was allowed to take the city bus from the stop by our house downtown by myself. I was 10 or 11. The equation in my paperboy head

Mass Transit = Freedom

I had $6 or $7 of free cash on a weekly basis, burning a literal hole in my jeans, and now, for 35 cents I got transported to happening downtown Iowa City where I could look to spend my Des Moines Register booty and plunder.2 These days, almost 50 years later, for only $2.90 I can pop up literally anywhere in this greatest city on earth. That is freedom. Spending a few decades as a car commuter in the Washington DC suburbs, well, I’m just going to tell you, this is way, way better.

There are aspects to my commute that I’m less fond of, like the young people who walk holding their phones in front of them, staring mindlessly at the lives of others unfolding before them—as they try to walk up the subway stairs. Also, tourists. Since my office is in a tourist high-density zone (the subway stop is Times Square), one must engage in a bit of broken field running to get where one seeks to go. 3

It’s Tuesday morning, a relatively busy day on the subway. I board my train at 86th Street, excellent skim cortado from the secret coffee place in my hand, music blasting through the airpods, sometimes maybe loud enough for other people to hear.4 It’s only 5 stops to Times Square and I know where to stand on the platform so that when we arrive at Times Square, I can make a beeline for the dreaded stairway. This is a potential choke-point, and the hordes of people lumbering up the stairs, staring at their phones, well, it kind of makes someone a little crazy. Like Ricky Bobby, I want to go fast.

This particular Tuesday, the door opened at 42nd Street and I was the first one out of the car and I was positioned perfectly, had only about 5 steps and then I was the first person on the stairs. This is a minor miracle, I don’t have to do the mindless shuffle or try to dodge around it—I jog up the stairs, drift diagonally across the rows of turnstiles to the far left, pushing through and then I’m only 5 big, long steps until I hit the exit stairs. I can smell the sweet, fresher air of freedom and liberty from here. I jog up the stairs, there is no one in front of me. I have achieved the mythical “first off the subway” status on a Tuesday in one of the busiest subway stations in the world.5

This whole time, the song I was listening to was coming to an end, and when I made the turn in the stairwell to mount the last set of stairs, a new song started and this song was not one that I had selected for this playlist, it was a Spotify suggestion and it was the song of the week. See, I told you this was going to sound underwhelming, so why did this strike me the way it did? This is where I get off the subway:

On Broadway.

They say the neon lights are bright on broadway, they say there is always magic in the air

I chuckled out loud and had a pretty big smile as I turned right on 41st street. For whatever reason, I had been feeling a little down and tired that morning, but now I was singing along in my head:

They say I won’t last too long on Broadway, I’ll catch a Greyhound bus for home, they all say, but there they’re wrong, I know they are, ‘cause I can play this here guitar, and I won’t quit ‘til I’m a star, on Broadway.

I’m not aiming to be a star, and obviously don’t play the guitar, but I had a pretty big smile on my face as I navigated the cut-through to 42nd Street, past the Shake Shack, my office filling my vision and looming high in the sky.

One of my favorite passages in the Big Book is the oft-quoted paragraph on “acceptance” on page 417:

And acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place or thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place or thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.…

One of the keys to my sobriety was realizing this passage also applied to myself. That unless I accepted myself, I could find no serenity. Until I accepted that I had been placed where I was meant to be placed at that moment, I could find no serenity.Until I accepted my alcoholism, I could find no serenity. You get the idea.

The circumstances that led to my arrival in New York were weird and random, to say the least. I was starting from scratch during the pandemic, and when I think back to those days, it makes a lot of sense that I would wake up in a near-panic every morning.

What the f*** was I going to do? What the f*** had I done to my life?

I began to learn how to navigate solitude. I began to learn how to avoid fixating on fixing things, and just live things. I tried to exert less control over my life, realizing somewhat bemusedly that I had so little power, no wonder it was such a frustrating pursuit. Bill W. describes self-centeredness as one of the great enemies of the alcoholic and decrees that the alcoholic ego must die in order to gain sobriety.

People have real issues with this—and for good reason, because it’s hard and goes against a lot of what you get taught: That life is a continual series of achievements that can be obtained, that life is about acquisition and making sure the people around you know how successful and smart you are. I know I believed that the point of life was to make a “big noise with all the big boys.” Sure, you can get a lot of stuff that way, and I certainly had a lot of stuff. My ex-wife still has a lot of it—beach houses and what not.

I could be bitter, starting over in New York at 60, trying to work my way back. 60 hour weeks when you’re 60 are no joke.6 Lots of my friends are retiring to sailboats and golf courses and I’m on the subway at 8:15 on a Tuesday morning—with a full, full, full day ahead of me. But that’s not how I look at it.

I struggled mightily to get sober. It took me ten really hard years of failure and loss and desperation to get one year of white-knuckled, antabuse-backstopped sobriety. Then I moved to New York, lived alone and began finding my way, bit by bit. Listening to music and exploring the city, riding the ferry, wandering in the museums or Central Park. I fell in love, really and truly.With the City of New York. No matter what happens in my life, no matter how sad or lost or lonely or overwhelmed I might feel, I know there is an antidote right outside the door.

I’ve learned there is very little that isn’t helped by a long walk in the park.

Maybe this could all of happened somewhere else, but I have a sneaky feeling that’s not true. One of the articles of faith in the Big Book is that we are placed where we may be of maximum service to whatever the great force in the Universe is up to.There is no point trying to figure out the angles on that; the only move is to do the next right thing and believe that the next right thing will happen. For a long time, I used to quibble with the Universe over what was “right;” it turns out we had very different ideas. One of us was very, very wrong.

I don’t know what my purpose is. I don’t know what’s in store for me. I know I’ve been given another chance at life. I know I’ve been given the chance to build something and do something I love. I know my life has been blessed with love and redemption and grace. My arrival in New York surely did not seem like the start of a well-run, organized plan, but it was the start of a long-run of serenity.

Every day, I wake up to a city I love. Sitting in the dark, drinking coffee and watching the sun rise across the East River, with the Hopper-esque RFK bridge and smokestacks in the background, brings a bit of joy every single day. Maybe I could have gotten sober somewhere else, but I know I did, here in New York. I don’t think that was an accident. I’ve always had a sense this is where I’m meant to be, this place where there is always magic in the air.

Happy Friday.

I’m grateful for talking through tough situations with those whose opinions I trust – it’s such a gift getting out of my own head. I’m grateful for an anniversary meeting where folks who’ve known me since the beginning of my sober journey are celebrating their own special milestones. I’m grateful for a fellow sharing a favorite phrase of mine from the Big Book “trudge the Road of Happy Destiny”, which also reminded me that this is a journey, not a final destination. I’m grateful for allowing myself to go through the rough feelings I was experiencing and not adding to the agita by thinking why am I not behaving perfectly now that I’m sober. I’m grateful for the sponsee being a source of inspiration for how I invest in my own sobriety. I’m grateful for regularly participating in AA because I can feel it really paying off during the rougher periods. I’m grateful I’ve been able to maintain commitments to my Zoom and IRL AA meetings since both formats mean a lot to me. I’m grateful for delicious, crispy French Fries. I’m grateful for the conversations I have with my own mind nowadays – the content and tone are so much healthier.

My sponsee, who is moving to a new city soon, recently shared a beautiful journal entry on the dueling emotions he feels about this change. There is excitement and fear, hope and anxiety, confidence and doubt. He ended by saying he feels relatively at peace with having these concurrent light and dark emotions as that really is the crux of what it means to navigate life.

His conclusion is quite poignant. Being able to hold several competing truths at once and allow for their peaceful coexistence has been a sign of real growth for this alcoholic. During my drinking days I fought every conflict by more aggressively exerting my will because surely then would things fall in line. Obviously that approach lead to years of turmoil. When AA entered the picture I finally developed sustainable ways to find harmony with those ever-present internal tensions.

First off, AA reminds me to always have humility around accepting internal contrasts. By knowing I can never eradicate them, I can start from a place of reality rather than delusion. Where once I felt a magic potion like vodka could totally absolve me from any strife, the Program tells me to see where my feet are actually planted and grow from there.

Next, AA shows me how to allow for healthy reflection on my internal chaos in a balanced (almost objective) manner. By sitting with my emotions, letting them come and go without dwelling on any one for too long, it ensures attachments or resentments don’t prevent me from moving forward.

Finally, to move forward I’m taught by AA to adopt the tiny next right actions, which will in turn grant me proximity to my more constructive, more positive emotions. Exercise, writing, meditation, and prayer are the sort of actions that help me out here. Regularly acknowledging silver linings by doing these ensures the darker emotions never have a chance of truly overwhelming me.

But of course the negative stuff won’t forever be silent. It’ll always linger in the back of my head, occasionally taking a front seat. This is why the word “coexist” imprinted in my mind when I read my sponsee’s journal entry. A few years ago just an iota of negativity would push me towards a black out. Thanks to the Program I have gained the confidence in knowing I can coexist with my swirling thoughts, which is such a crazy miracle. With an head full of AA peace can always be found, even in the most chaotic corners of my mind.

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My friend Jonathan (KM4CFT) recently sent me a neat little prototype paddle he designed for the Elecraft KX2 and KX3 field transceivers. He wanted my feedback, so he generously sent me a set to evaluate at no charge. Lately, I’ve been tied up with the final stages of debris cleanup here at the QTH, leaving … Continue reading The New KM4CFT KX2 and KX3 Iambic Paddle Kit →