I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for the beautiful weather, for AA, for my sponsor, books, coffee, my family and my friends. I’m grateful for feeling comfortable, for a little extra rest, for opportunities and possibilities. I’m grateful for fresh starts and for old lessons, for fresh air and for quiet mornings.

Gooood morning my friends (: As per usual, I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and you are feeling rejuvenated for the week ahead.

I personally am slowly but surely coming out of the low place I’ve been in – I haven’t had any additional melt downs over chicken, and I had a lovely conversation with my therapist on Friday, the goal being to work on emotional regulation & how I react to things vs what my intentions are – but this morning I woke up just feeling funky.

Mildly anxious, wishing the weekend was one extra day longer, a little confused about some conversations that happened over the weekend. I really need to talk to my sponsor (hey T), but my confusion consists of – have I been too wrapped up in self, OR have I been prioritizing self so I can come out of this low place? I’ve been proud of myself lately – getting to more meetings during the week, holding firm on certain boundaries.

Other boundaries are a work in progress but the reason I’ve been getting to more meetings throughout the week is because I’ve been firmer with those boundaries.

I feel like my friendships looks stronger, happier than they ever have before. I came out of a bad situation and landed with people who remind me every day that I am allowed to just be myself and there’s nothing wrong about that.  

I feel like a lot of good has been happening and yet I just feel a little lost. And looking back on previous seasons of feeling lost I can understand that more often than not, once I’ve found my way again there was a whole lot of growth that happened when I couldn’t see the way. What’s that saying don’t lose the forest for the trees or something like that? Does that even apply here?? (Call me confused).

I don’t know all I know is that I’m trying my best and that is simply, all that I can do. Just try. Funky days happen, the road isn’t linear, it’s a better day than it has been for a while despite the funk & the confusion always lifts. The lesson always reveals itself.

So, I’m just going to keep trying, the best that I can every day and because of that, because of this program that I do my best to live by, I know that this season will not last forever.

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Xx

Jane