Short & Sweet

I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a fresh week, for my friends and family, for the holiday season, for comfy sweatshirts and slippers. I’m grateful to work from home, for AA, for my sponsor, for revelations, and for change.

Goooood morning my friends (: As always, I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and an even better Thanksgiving!

I’m feeling a little under the weather today, so my tank feels particularly low on energy however I do have a few things to say. But we’ll keep them short and sweet today (;

1) It should be illegal to work the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I know, I know capitalism but seriously…. who wants to work. I want to be snuggled under blankets watching Christmas movies for the next three weeks please and thank you.

2) My parents and sister came into town yesterday and we did indeed get to do several Christmasy things which truly is a gift of sobriety. To be able to spend a nice day with my family is all that I can ask for. We stopped by St. Pats Cathedral too and it’s super easy to fall back into Catholicism during the holidays however, I haven’t really talked to any kind of a higher power in a long time. I haven’t really talked to my grandfather in a long time either.

3) The above said, my 3-year anniversary is officially less than a month away so just be prepared for some major reflection. Sitting in St. Pats and thinking about my lack of conversations with God and my preference of church basements just brought me all the way back to what is above all else the most important – that I am an alcoholic and HP whatever that is to me always has my back. HP loves me exactly the way I am, so why can I not love myself exactly the way that I am? The path is already made so why do I have to force myself along in the dark instead of just trusting that if I move forward HP will push me the rest of the way? Why is it that the place I feel so sure of myself, the place I DO feel exceptional is in a church basement full of other addicts and alcoholics? Because that is who I am, and I know that in my bones. There’s no fear of being kicked out, there’s no fear of being judged (99% of the time). There’s no fear of being alone. Because the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous will always remain full of people who are willing to help, to love you until you can love yourself, who just want to see you stay sober and to succeed. Sometimes I think my anxiety, my sadness, the way I feel stuck actually IS God telling me in one of the only ways they can that something isn’t right. Something needs to change. And maybe I’m too tired, too confused, too scared to make any real changes right now. But I can listen – if I believe those feelings are HP talking to me the least, I can do is listen. January 1^st isn’t going to come, and the clock isn’t going to magically rest and the slate isn’t automictically going to be whipped clean and I’m not miraculously going to feel better. But maybe if I start really listening now, by the time 1/1 does come, I’ll be in a better place to make a change. To start over, move in a different direct, change my perspective, feel exceptional everywhere not just in basements. Who knows. The possibilities could be endless if I really do start to listen.

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Xx

Jane