False Summits

I’m grateful for access to specialized AA meetings because they allow opportunities to speak more freely and more broadly on a variety of topics. I’m grateful for the reminder that my troubles can become my assets. I’m grateful for the diverse discussion prompts found in “As Bill Sees It”. I’m grateful Harper’s dental procedure went smoothy. I’m grateful for walking around Denver more as the weather gets warmer – even if the streets aren’t conducive to pedestrians, it still gives me a better sense of the city. I’m grateful for Service being more and more of an essential outlet for my sobriety. I’m grateful when I get to hear a hardcore Queens accent again – it makes me nostalgic. I’m grateful for my ability to find community IRL or via technology. I’m grateful for understanding that the barriers I establish nowadays aren’t meant to close myself off as much as to keep my serenity intact. I’m grateful for listening to Lady Gaga’s deep cuts to keep my motivation high while running against some strong winds in Cheesman Park.

The idea of “false summits” was brought up at a meeting recently and it immediately caught my attention. The basic premise being when we believe we’ve reached the top of something there is always another summit, previously invisible to us, that now becomes our new pinnacle. This is pertinent for mountaineers in a very real way, but in my head I took the more conceptual approach.

Journey In AA

First idea that came to mind around false summits is tracking my accomplishments in AA. Embracing that I am an alcoholic certainly took many years. Once I gained the self-knowledge I had a problem and required some type of recovery Program, I had in some ways reached a “summit”, a.k.a. a new milestone of understanding around my addiction. However there were many more peaks I needed to tackle in order to re-enter society: engaging a Sponsor, working the Steps, going to Meetings, being of Service, etc. All of these have been key summits I’ve checked off to some extent in my recovery. They are never truly completed though. New ones are constantly emerging as life continues and my sobriety evolves. I’ve come to realize that it’s actually the journey between the peaks when I learn and grow the most.

More, More, More

Another reason why the false summit topic imprinted on me is because I can often find myself incessantly coveting more. More of anything really. Whether it’s shopping, sweet foods, binging a show I should be savoring, the need to consume insatiably is hard to resist. Society of course reinforces the importance of this so I always have a little voice telling me there is undoubtedly something better, shinier around the corner. When I get into that trap, those fleeting dopamine hits simply set me up for quick downfalls until the next time I create a shiny new peak to covet. I need to learn to not allow any of those shiny things to define my personal happiness or self-worth. ‘More’ today can quite often mean ‘Less’ for me down the road.

Acceptance & Gratitude

Given the inherent trickiness of all these pseudo peaks, I find the most serenity in consistently holding tight to Acceptance and Gratitude. AA reminds me over and over that I must pause, accept the reality of my present state, and actively find gratitude for the gifts already in my possession. Regardless of whether I’m climbing up or down the mountain, as long as I realistically acknowledge where my feet are planted and I am able to count my blessings then I have a better chance of not being swayed by those changes in elevation. Crucially, my daily investments in Acceptance and Gratitude ultimately make me a more Willing individual as well. When I have easier access to Willingness it lets me weather the new summits that life is constantly revealing to me. I can adopt the can-do, roll-up-my-sleeves attitude with greater ease, lean on my trusty AA hiking poles for support, and keep peacefully trudging the highs and lows of being a sober human being.

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