Finally Not in Outer Space

I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for long conversations with friends, for time with my family this weekend, for my absolutely crazy puppy and for a new book. I’m grateful for warm weather and for AA. I’m grateful that I am an alcoholic, for this big beautiful life sobriety has given me and for being able to reflect on all of the good. 

Gooood morning my friends! Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend & a wonderful Easter if you celebrate (: 

Apologies for the slight delay, busy morning this morning and in a similar vein as last week, I’m working on getting myself to feel grounded when things are so busy. Starting with – It’s only 10 something in the morning and I have the entire day to do all the things I need to and if I don’t get to all of them that’s okay too. 

Sooo what to write about today? I don’t know. At HQ over here we’ve been talking about bringing things back to the steps or to the reflections and well, I must be honest I have not read the reflection yet. And perhaps my downfall is that I post on Monday’s which does not feel like the day for a step 4 conversation. Although, I have been thinking a lot  about defects lately and how every single person on the entire planet is prideful, can be self centered and selfish. Those defects, characteristics, liabilities, whatever you want to call them are things that are NOT exclusive to AA. On days like today where it’s so busy I absolutely default to being selfish 100% even with 3 years sober. MY day is busy so I don’t have TIME to deal with anything else. That doesn’t make me a bad person, or mean that I have fallen down on the program, just something to look at and be aware of and work on changing. 

With that said, as I look around the apartment / out the window and ponder what to continue writing about even though the above should likely be elaborated on I just keep landing on feeling grounded. It was so nice to see my family yesterday and to let the dog run around for the first time since January. To spend a lot of time outside, walk through the neighborhood I grew up in and reminisce on the stupid shit I used to do but also how much I love that neighborhood, our house, my family and the way it’s grown. It just feels nice and I do feel re-grounded within myself. 

I forgot to pray yesterday and I don’t think that means God is going to let the dog get attacked again as punishment. I had a really hard time getting up this morning but I don’t feel panicked by all that’s ahead of me. The dog wants to play but I have things to do (do you think I can mention that today is busy anymore than I already have??) but I don’t feel like a horrible mother who neglects her child. 

I guess all I needed was a little break. A little time away even just for a day that I didn’t necessarily realize was going to refill my cup but it really did. And because of that I don’t feel like I’m up in space but I am firmly planted on the ground. And it feels really nice to be planted on the ground. 

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xx  

Jane