To Whom This May Concern

I am so grateful to be sober today.

Hello my friends – hope everyone had a lovely weekend no matter WHO you were rooting for in the Super Bowl (; 

I don’t get my dress over my head about the Super Bowl unless Rihanna is performing the halftime show but I got to spend sometime with friends who I haven’t seen in a while and that is truly all I needed to make it a great Super Bowl Sunday. 

I’ve typed and deleted a number of times this morning because I’m just not sure what to say. These past few weeks, if you have been following, have obviously been hard. But there hasn’t been one minute where we haven’t had support from people in and out of the program. 

Today’s reflection is a good one – God is everything or God is nothing. I’ve been turning to God every step of the way and all of this time I have been presented with opportunities to be of service over and over and over again. All of this has been hard but I haven’t wanted to drink and truly that is a miracle to me. 

Tim and I are working on getting the HECK out of this apartment and so moving on its own is a stressful activity and on top of everything else I’m just exhausted. 

All of that to say, we are waiting on ONE more piece of paperwork and the person who is putting that together for us asked if they can start the letter with ‘To whom this may concern’ and I think I want to write my own to whom this may concern letter(s). So why not do it here where it’s safe. 

To whom this may concern, 

What the fuck. Seriously. Where are you building? Where are you, City of New York? Three more people were attacked and it’s going to keep happening and happening unless you do something. So why haven’t you done anything? 

To whom this may concern, 

If God is everything or God is nothing, can you please share where God was when this happened? Or even as my anger starts to subside as it relates to God, I understand that maybe this wasn’t meant for us but it happened to us because we can handle it but Jesus Lord above me please can we just skip to the part where we are out of here and safe. On the other side of that coin, I know that we WILL get there. I just want to skip right to that and unfortunately I cannot. So please give me the strength to keep going. 

To whom this may concern, 

Thank you for keeping my boy alive. Thank you for keeping my injuries non life threatening. Thank you for all of the good people we have in our lives who love us and we love twice as much right back. Thank you for all of the GOOD that has happened in between all of the bad. I’m sorry for being angry. I’m sorry for wavering trust. I am doing my best and please keep carrying us the rest of the way. 

To whom this may concern, 

I am grateful that once all of this is over I can say (God willing) that I did not drink. And I can take this and help someone else. That there are a number of silver linings here that I’m not all the way ready to look at. I’m grateful that we have the resources to get out because other people might have to stay. I am so grateful that I have this great big community that has NOT let me down. I’m so grateful to have a place where I can feel everything, where I am safe. 

To whom this may concern, 

Thank you. 

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xx  

Jane