Time Traveling

I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful to have made it to PS safely, for this wonderful new job that I have that is fun and fulfilling. I’m grateful that we are moving somewhere safe so soon. I’m grateful for AA, for my friends, my family, coffee. I’m grateful for a really good night’s sleep, for a mountain view, for being in California for the first time EVER which is absolutely a gift of sobriety.

Gooood morning my friends (: As always, hope everyone had a wonderful weekend! 

Today I am writing to you once again technically on Sunday from the sky as I fly from New York to California for work. A few things as it pertains to air travel – first getting myself on the plane takes so much prayer and energy. The actual act of taking off and feeling the wheels leave the ground makes me feel so out of control that I want to vomit. 

That said, once you are 10,000 ft in the air or however high they take you – it is quite peaceful. If the WiFi works that’s great and you can get a ton of stuff done uninterrupted but it is also just so quiet. You get snacks. You can read or sleep or sail across the sky and just be. I miss my boys SO MUCH back at home but I cannot lie it is nice to have nothing to do but just sit here for 5+ hours. 

Also as I travel across the country I feel like I’m time traveling. My phone updates the time as we go so it was 12 and then it was 11 and now that I’m on my laptop (which I purposely like to keep EST) it is 1:30 again! 

Anyway I didn’t come here to chat exclusively about air travel but I WAS using my 5+ hours of free time to reflect and think about what I wanted to write. 

As you all know it has been chaotically chaotic lately and I’d just like to share about how I haven’t had a drink or a drug during any of it. There may have been times here and there where I thought about it and let me be clear. The above sentence certainly DOES NOT mean I am immune to the potential of picking up a drink tomorrow. But over the past few weeks I felt like everything crumbled and then piece by piece we have and still are putting it all back together again. 

So it is possible through chaos and trauma and heart ache and paralyzing fear – through joy and transitions and change to NOT drink or drug. It is possible with the fellowship, our sponsors, the book, prayer, our friends, our family, or partners. Whatever it is for you that keeps you from drinking that is all you’ll ever need. At the end of the day there truly isn’t anything so bad that a drink won’t make worse and I am SO grateful that I haven’t picked up. 

Because then how could I be a good dog mom, girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend. How can I pick us up and so quickly get us out of this hell hole if I am drinking? How could I show up for this new job and fly across the country to see my colleagues in person for the first time if I was drinking.

So yeah it’s been pretty shitty man. But not as shitty as it would be if I picked up a drink. And really amazing things are on the horizon. Things that I would not be able to have or appreciate if I was drinking. 

So the moral of my story today is you can do it sober. Whatever it is that’s in front of you, whatever it is that may come up and surprise you, whatever it is that may make you have to uproot and grow and change and be strong and have courage. You can absolutely & most definitely do it sober. 

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xx 

Jane