I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for the warm weather, for seeing my friends this weekend & for them making me laugh SO hard. I’m grateful for working from home, for the anniversary meeting last night & being so proud of the people I love. I am grateful for being of service and for knowing I’m not perfect & trying my best anyway.
Morning my friends (: Hope everyone had a beautiful weekend! I started this morning finallyfeeling almost back to normal after being under the weather for the past week but after a few hours have gone by, work is super busy, the dog is driving me crazy (grateful he’s alive and I have a dog to drive me crazy not letting that get lost!!) and I’m just annoyed.
All of which is super in line with what I was thinking about writing all day yesterday - I am still amazed by how high the highs can be and low the lows can be and how fast each can come and go sometimes.
Saturday I was literally laughing out loud walking to my sponsor's house to feed her cats in the POURING rain. I was staring up at the sky letting the rain hit my face and just so grateful to be sober, for my friends, for such a beautiful life and not be so bothered by a little spring thunderstorm. Sunday I woke up so tired, so unmotivated, scared and sad for my friend, unwilling to do anything but sleep and read.
Today I am teetering on overwhelmed and one thing not going according to schedule (the dog putting a gigantic hole in the comforter after he ate not one but two pillows yesterday) sends me into a tailspin.
People talk about emotional sobriety and the highs and lows becoming less intense. Some people compare it to lasagna noodles, you know how the little bumps or waves or whatever you want to call them are super little? I can feel that sometimes, pretty neutral to life just doing life things. But sometimes man I can still be SO all over the place.
At 3 years sober I am not sure emotional sobriety is something I’ll ever obtain - good line to look back on in a few years and be like ahhh remember when I said that. In this current moment I know that I’ve come a long way but I know I still have a long way to go too and that’s okay. Right now I am NOT feeling like a lasagna noodle. I have so much on my mind I am feeling very up and down and I just want to get my shit done, be there for my friend and have my dog be calm for more than approximately 30 seconds at a time.
Probably in a few hours I’ll feel better but my point today is that it’s okay to feel all over the place sometimes. It’s okay to have a million things on your mind. It’s okay to not have achieved emotional sobriety because honestly…what even is that. Sometimes the highs are super high, sometimes the lows are super low, sometimes everything is right in the middle but nothing is ever constant. Things are always moving and changing and sometimes it’s just important to remember that it will all be okay.
xx
Jane